I grew up in the countryside of rural Long Island. My childhood memories are filled with catching frogs, eating wild raspberries and that kind of thing. From early on, I saw nature. Somehow in all of that, I began to see a supernatural hand behind it all. Eventually the years past, and my faith in God changed as I grew up, but I never doubted His existence. I began to study science, the life sciences in particular. As I learned about the details of Creation, I saw more clearly the Hand of God. I could not look at nature and see anything random like a godless evolution, even though it was taught to me. There was just too much order in the universe for it to be anything but God. Look in the sands at the tide mark on the beach. Sift it out, and look at the minute shells you find under a microscope. Magnificent creation of God.
Still though I did not believe in Jesus. To me, He was just a “great man” a “prophet” and nothing more. I searched the scriptures in vain for Jesus to say He was the Son of God, or God Himself. A friend in high school once told me that there was more than one way to God and I would find that in the New Testament, Acts so she said. I read that book so much and never once found that passage. Did I doubt my friend? No, I doubted my ability to find it. I read the truth, the truth that there is only one way to God, through Jesus, but I did not understand. That disbelief continued for many years.
I am in my early 20’s. I pray to God, but not in Jesus’ name or recognizing Jesus. I do not believe in sin, or in hell. I long for God though. At this time I became engaged and then the engagement fell apart. Broken hearted, on a moonlit beach in Mexico, I decided to end my life. It was easy, listening to the gentle waves of the Gulf of California. My friends had paired up for the night, leaving only me, alone. I nearly drowned as a child. It seemed fitting that I should chose to go out into the water and swim until I could not swim any longer. The water was warm, inviting. There were sharks, but it would only be a moment of pain, then oblivion.
As I rose to my feet, a drunk stumbled over the rocks around the small fire we built on the beach. He began speaking to me, quite frankly annoying me. He was a preacher’s son, staying at the cottages down the beach. He talked to me, 5 minutes, 10, 20, I don’t know. By the time he was done I was angry, my sense of loss was gone. I would not commit suicide that night or any other night. I was ready to fight my pain.
Don’t get me wrong, I did not accept Jesus as my savior that night, but I knew even then that God stopped me from killing myself. He was there that night. He sent that annoying preacher’s kid to stop me the only way possible from the sin of taking my own life.
Around 30, I am studying my chosen profession in medicine. For spring break, I decided to go to the Caribbean. While there I was assaulted. I needed to be tested for HIV among other things. This was a frightening time for me. I tried to tell my friends but could not. How do you speak of something so terrible as what I went through, and the fears that followed? I prayed to God, as I always have, seeking Him, yet never hearing His responses. I prayed so hard while I waited the necessary time limit until I could be tested. I was clear, no infection of HIV. I went to the local old mission (San Xavier del Bac) and thanked God in prayer.
A few months later, I am interning at a hospital and one of my coworkers asked me out to a bible study date. I agreed. Afterwards he told me that he doesn’t date anyone who isn’t a Christian because of the whole unequally yoked thing. So in my apartment, I got down on my knees and vaguely remember saying, crying “So this is what you want from me Lord? To believe that Jesus is really your Son?” Then crying, uncontrollable crying, recognition of all of my sins, and there are many. Things that I can never bring myself to ever tell any of you. I felt like a tornado had swept through me.
The next day, at work, even though I still felt all shaken from what had taken place, another coworker said that he had never seen such a look of peace on anyone’s face before. That is when I knew for certain that the events of the night before were real, that I was a part of God’s kingdom. How else could someone see peace in my countenance given the whirlwind of emotions I felt? I was saved by the grace of God and the sacrifice of His Son Jesus.
For the rest, look at me now, nearly 18 years later. I have a relationship with God. He has worked miraculous changes in my life. I am still sinful, but I am not the same person I was before. My prayers are heard, and I see God’s Hand working in my life, more than ever before. I have seen the Holy Spirit working in my life too, leading me to do things I could never accomplish on my own. I understand the scriptures better. The Spirit guides me in my walk with the Lord. I have the relationship with God I have always longed for, and His assurances of my eternal salvation. I thank God for His grace and gift of salvation.
Still though I did not believe in Jesus. To me, He was just a “great man” a “prophet” and nothing more. I searched the scriptures in vain for Jesus to say He was the Son of God, or God Himself. A friend in high school once told me that there was more than one way to God and I would find that in the New Testament, Acts so she said. I read that book so much and never once found that passage. Did I doubt my friend? No, I doubted my ability to find it. I read the truth, the truth that there is only one way to God, through Jesus, but I did not understand. That disbelief continued for many years.
I am in my early 20’s. I pray to God, but not in Jesus’ name or recognizing Jesus. I do not believe in sin, or in hell. I long for God though. At this time I became engaged and then the engagement fell apart. Broken hearted, on a moonlit beach in Mexico, I decided to end my life. It was easy, listening to the gentle waves of the Gulf of California. My friends had paired up for the night, leaving only me, alone. I nearly drowned as a child. It seemed fitting that I should chose to go out into the water and swim until I could not swim any longer. The water was warm, inviting. There were sharks, but it would only be a moment of pain, then oblivion.
As I rose to my feet, a drunk stumbled over the rocks around the small fire we built on the beach. He began speaking to me, quite frankly annoying me. He was a preacher’s son, staying at the cottages down the beach. He talked to me, 5 minutes, 10, 20, I don’t know. By the time he was done I was angry, my sense of loss was gone. I would not commit suicide that night or any other night. I was ready to fight my pain.
Don’t get me wrong, I did not accept Jesus as my savior that night, but I knew even then that God stopped me from killing myself. He was there that night. He sent that annoying preacher’s kid to stop me the only way possible from the sin of taking my own life.
Around 30, I am studying my chosen profession in medicine. For spring break, I decided to go to the Caribbean. While there I was assaulted. I needed to be tested for HIV among other things. This was a frightening time for me. I tried to tell my friends but could not. How do you speak of something so terrible as what I went through, and the fears that followed? I prayed to God, as I always have, seeking Him, yet never hearing His responses. I prayed so hard while I waited the necessary time limit until I could be tested. I was clear, no infection of HIV. I went to the local old mission (San Xavier del Bac) and thanked God in prayer.
A few months later, I am interning at a hospital and one of my coworkers asked me out to a bible study date. I agreed. Afterwards he told me that he doesn’t date anyone who isn’t a Christian because of the whole unequally yoked thing. So in my apartment, I got down on my knees and vaguely remember saying, crying “So this is what you want from me Lord? To believe that Jesus is really your Son?” Then crying, uncontrollable crying, recognition of all of my sins, and there are many. Things that I can never bring myself to ever tell any of you. I felt like a tornado had swept through me.
The next day, at work, even though I still felt all shaken from what had taken place, another coworker said that he had never seen such a look of peace on anyone’s face before. That is when I knew for certain that the events of the night before were real, that I was a part of God’s kingdom. How else could someone see peace in my countenance given the whirlwind of emotions I felt? I was saved by the grace of God and the sacrifice of His Son Jesus.
For the rest, look at me now, nearly 18 years later. I have a relationship with God. He has worked miraculous changes in my life. I am still sinful, but I am not the same person I was before. My prayers are heard, and I see God’s Hand working in my life, more than ever before. I have seen the Holy Spirit working in my life too, leading me to do things I could never accomplish on my own. I understand the scriptures better. The Spirit guides me in my walk with the Lord. I have the relationship with God I have always longed for, and His assurances of my eternal salvation. I thank God for His grace and gift of salvation.
